As someone who doesn’t drink, I often have the unique view of being the only sober person (and permanent designated driver) around a lot of drunks. So I can remember some of the hilarious things that happened when others were wasted out of their minds. The following two conversations actually happened and are retold from Dalea’s point of view as she gets smashed herself for Inn League rep.

Just looking at the screen makes me feel like I have a hangover

(Dalea begins the night as a happy drunk.)

Dalea: Guys, guys…I jus’ wanted tah let you know…that I loves you all. You’re the bes’ friends ever. And thissh stew’s awesome!

(Later on, turns into a sad drunk.)

Dalea: There’s *sniffs* there’s no more stew. *whimpers* *sobs* I really want more stew! *cries*

(She ends the night by passing out, only to be awoken as the beast that is Angry Drunk.)

*A drunken townsperson accidentally stumbles over her in his search for some stew.*

Dalea: [Insert a slew of vile yet slurred curses here, punctuated by ineffectively throwing her cloak and various seat cushions at the other patron.]

*The townsperson is still in Happy Drunk mode and gives an unphased smile as he rifles through the cupboards.*

There IS a rabbit inside the inn...right?

Dalea: Guys, what colour do you think the rabbit is?

Not-as-drunk townperson: …The rabbit is brown.

Dalea: No no no, what colour would you say the rabbit is?

Not-as-drunk townperson: What? Umm…maybe it likes the colour green?

Just-as-drunk townperson: I think that it would be blue.

(The question that was trying to be asked was what colour they thought would best describe the rabbit. Apparently you have to be at a certain level of drunkenness to get it.)

Roommate: Your brother is trying to connect his Xbox360 to the router using wireless and it’s not working. He can connect it to other wireless networks but not ours.
Me: Oh, does he have the Xbox set up in his room, hooked up to his computer monitor?
Roommate: Nope, the TV in the living room.
Me: But…the router is right there. And there’s a spare cable already connected to it. Why doesn’t he just plug that in like he did before?
Roommate: I don’t know, he wants to use wireless.
Me: …

My brother has little quirks like this so I play along. I set up my wireless network so that it’s “unsecure” but restricts the MAC addresses that can connect to it. The only MAC addresses allowed at the moment are my brother’s computer and my laptop. All I need to do is add the MAC address of the Xbox to the list. I try to remote connect to my brother’s computer while my brother and roommate attempt to find the MAC address (“no, it’s not the serial number”). His computer is offline. I connect to my extremely slow laptop and type in the router address. It’s not connecting because the boys had decided to reset it in an attempt to get the Xbox connected.

Me: …Tell him he can just wait until I get home. I’ll set it up for him then.

So guess what I’ll be doing when I get home? >.>

P.S. I find it amusing that I’m living with 2 grown men and I’m the one who’s always getting “tech help” calls.