31Oct '14
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A MST3K Halloween – The Final Sacrifice

Today is Halloween and the last day of this MST3K Halloween-a-thon. So it is my pleasure to present to you one of my all-time favorite episodes, the Canadian-made The Final Sacrifice.

How bad is it? 2.3/10 on IMDB

Why is it so bad? This movie teaches you how to make a Canadian cult: First, wear rubber boots and a black trench coat with the collar turned up, and speak in a demonic voice. Next, convince a bunch of guys to wear ski masks and sleeveless shirts. Then, get them to chase some random kid with a map because reasons. Even though the kid gets away on a bike, despite being chased by car. Also, there’s using a chainsaw to get through a door that you could just, you know, kick in. The name Zapp Rowsdower. Hockey hair and plenty of beer. An advanced, ancient civilization that disappeared when it sank into the ground (it happens all the time in Alberta). A hermit who sounds and looks like Red Green.

Compared to some of the other movies here, it’s not that bad (it’s no Manos after all). It was made as a student film on a $1500 budget so they do have some excuses. But the SOL crew does such a great job of riffing it that no matter how often I watch this episode, I still howl with laughter.

As always, the full epsiode is available on Youtube.

I hope everyone has a happy (and spooky) Halloween! And I’ll leave you with this:

rowsdower-meme

30Oct '14
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A MST3K Halloween – Manos: The Hands of Fate

I’ve saved the best two for last. So for Day 9, we have Manos: The Hands of Fate.

How bad is it? 1.9/10 on IMDB

Why is it so bad? Manos may be in the movie title, but really Torgo is the real star. A twitchy, wobbling, creepy star. He even has his own theme song when he walks around with his gigantic thighs. Then there’s the argument amongst the wives that leads to 10 minutes of women wrestling in negligees. And there’s the Master’s fabulous hands poncho. Other than that, there’s the horribly cinematography, nonsensical music, bad acting, awkward pauses, and a plot that doesn’t make sense. Let’s just say there’s a reason it’s one of the Bottom 100 movies of all time.

The whole episode is on YouTube along with the short Hired! Part 2.

29Oct '14
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A MST3K Halloween – The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies

It’s Day 8 and that means it’s time for The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living and Became Mixed-Up Zombies.

How bad is it? 2.2/10 on IMDB

Why is it so bad? The title of this movie alone makes this movie worth mocking. Because one ridiculous title wasn’t enough, it is also known as Diabolical Dr. Voodoo, The Teenage Psycho Meets Bloody Mary, and The Incredibly Strange Creature: Or Why I Stopped Living and Became a Mixed-up Zombie. Let me sum up the plot for you…Boy takes Girl to carnival. Girl makes Boy go see Gypsy fortune teller, Boy scoffs at Gypsy. Boy later falls for Stripper at carnival (I didn’t even know they had those there). Stripper turns out to be Gypsy’s sister (plot twist!) and Gypsy turns Boy into a zombie/psychotic killer. What a classic tale. Yet for the majority of the movie, there are no zombies. Instead it’s filled with amateur-grade shows that are also suppose to be at the carnival, a bunch of weird/creepy dreams and imagery, and some of the strangest accents I’ve ever heard. For something that makes so little sense, it’s pretty funny!

Watch it all on YouTube.

28Oct '14
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A MST3K Halloween – The Incredible Melting Man

For Day 7 we have The Incredible Melting Man!

How bad is it? 3.7/10 on IMDB

Why is it so bad? The monster is an astronaut who got “just a little bit radioactive” on a trip to Saturn, which somehow caused him to slowly melt. His reaction to this is to become a murderous cannibal that goops all over the place. This movies was originally intended to be a parody of sci-fi B-movies, but halfway through they decided to try to make it into an actual horror movie. Which is why it’s full of wooden acting (or overacting), cheap special effects, weird sound effects, silly scenes (such as watching an old couple steal lemons), and boring scenes (like a woman sitting alone knitting). On the bright side, a lot of people end up dead!

The whole episode is available on YouTube.

27Oct '14
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A MST3K Halloween – Samson vs. The Vampire Women

I know this is a little late but Day 6’s movie is Samson vs. The Vampire Women.

How bad is it? 3.2/10 on IMDB

Why is it so bad? In America, you would call Buffy to slay vampires. In Mexico, they call Samson, a wrestler in a mask, tights, and a sparkling cape. I can’t make this stuff up. Their special effects budget must have been mighty low because the bats are obviously rubber and the “ancient scrolls” look like a 5-year-old’s painting. The vampires attack people by karate chopping them and kicking them while they’re down. Oh, and staring at people REALLY hard.

Watch the entire episode on YouTube.

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